Poems

Sometimes I still wonder

when exactly it changed,

which laugh of yours stayed too long in my head,

which goodbye felt heavier than it should.

Maybe it was never sudden.

Just small things piling up quietly.

Wanting to sit next to you every time.

Checking if you reached home.

Saving random memes

just because "you'd probably like this."

At first I called it "being nice".

Then attachment.

Then maybe just friendship exclusivity.

But love has a way of sitting silently

until you accidentally name it.

And once I did,

everything started hurting softly.

Not because you were cruel,

you were kind in every possible way,

except the way I secretly wished for.

I know I'm not the right match for her,

but God, I so much wish I was.

People call it low self-esteem,

I call it self-awareness.

So I never told you.

Because some confessions

don't fail after being spoken,

they fail long before they reach the mouth.

I learned to love you quietly instead,

in borrowed moments,

inside ordinary conversations,

inside jokes you'd forget by tomorrow

but I'd replay for weeks.

And maybe that's the saddest part,

you never broke my heart.

You just never held it.